Over-explaining is justifying why you choose to do what you do and it can be a constant drain on your mental resources. Don’t confuse explaining yourself with meaningful back and forth dialogue where you’re sharing ideas and learning from each other.

We often feel the need to justify our feelings, because everyone is watching and forming judgments. The truth is they often are. We all watch other people—it’s hard not to; they surround us. And we all judge people on occasion—which is often a reflection of how harshly we judge ourselves.

Sometimes it makes sense to explain yourself—when someone misunderstands, or when you hurt someone accidentally. But most often the only person who needs an explanation is you. Ascertain, accept, and work through whatever is on your mind.

You do not have to explain why you said ‘no’ or give an excuse. A no should not end a lifelong friendship or relationship. Some people will understand, and some won’t. Don’t explain yourself to those who cannot understand you and your choices. Be yourself, the right people will understand and love you for you. You don’t have to justify yourself, your choices, and your decisions and you can’t control what they think.

Constantly explaining yourself undermines your self-confidence and is a form of self-betrayal.

The people who really understand you—the important people who are closest to you—don’t need any explanation. They already get you, because you are enough!

“What other people think of me is none of my business.” -Wayne Dyer

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“Linda has published sixteen books. She blogs about the publishing world, posts useful tips on the challenges a writer faces, including marketing and promoting your work, how to build your online platform, how to get reviews and how to self-publish. She has mentored many authors and edited their work.” 

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