There are many reasons why people spend all too much time explaining themselves. We explain why we are smart. Explain why we hurt someone’s feelings. Explain why they made a career choice. Or why we take Kumon lessons instead of music.

At first glance, it may seem like over-explaining is not that big of a deal. It may seem like the diplomatic thing to do. It may even feel like you need to justify yourself because that person is your friend or someone of authority. Be your own boss!

Here are 3 reasons why people explain themselves:

Basing your self-worth on others’ evaluations. If you’re trying to convince others that what you are doing is worthy, would be like trying to recruit a cheering squad. Your actions don’t need a pep rally.  You may never convince others that what you are doing or even who you are is good enough. You only need to convince yourself.

Are you losing trust in yourself? When you explain to someone why you are doing something and you don’t get the reaction you are hoping for, you are going to start questioning yourself. Ultimately you — and only you — have to believe in your choices. What you don’t require is others’ confidence in you.

Are you losing focus? Energy spend trying to convince someone that what you are doing is a good idea, takes away from your focus – your personal choice. Instead of searching within yourself for why you are doing what you are doing, you are searching for approval. What matters is the purpose behind your actions. What doesn’t matter, is whether or not others think you are right. After all, you are the one doing the things you do, and you are the one living your life.

Change your mind-set:

  1. Embrace that moment of silence.
  2. Accept responsibility for your choices
  3. Believe in your honesty
  4. Your peers do not need justification
  5. Remember the ‘need to know’ policy

Unleash the novel inside you

with compelling characters,

intricate worlds,

and fine-tuned prose.

“Linda has published twenty books. She blogs about the publishing world, posts useful tips on the challenges a writer faces, including marketing and promoting your work, how to build your online platform, how to get reviews and how to self-publish. She has mentored many authors and edited their work.” 

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